tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69986871860208317472024-03-13T21:30:27.574-07:00Sex JokesCollection of Sex JokesBJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.comBlogger100125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-1603408404090398442008-07-30T17:47:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:52:35.144-08:00Shopping Expedition<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStaSyUIIpI/AAAAAAAAAow/1PsGVf5w3SA/s1600-h/Shopping+Expedition.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 290px; height: 364px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStaSyUIIpI/AAAAAAAAAow/1PsGVf5w3SA/s400/Shopping+Expedition.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272407067557634706" border="0" /></a><br />A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop." So the married couple walked in.<br /><br />The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals 1 think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."<br /><br />Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero he was. The husband asked the man, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?"<br /><br />The Pakistani man replied, "Why don't you try them on and see for yourself?" Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years -- raw sexual power.<br /><br />In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants.<br /><br />All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-84853571344163116172008-07-30T17:44:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:47:44.000-08:00Income Taxes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStZOay09lI/AAAAAAAAAoo/GhIxRHQFH98/s1600-h/Income+Taxes.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 290px; height: 369px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStZOay09lI/AAAAAAAAAoo/GhIxRHQFH98/s400/Income+Taxes.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272405893012846162" border="0" /></a><br />One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.<br /><br />As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more then you did." They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help<br />pass the time.<br /><br />Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos could have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel / centerfold. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how is he with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these god-awful women.<br /><br />Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life (and I'm dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope for to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and murmur's to herself, "Damn income taxes!"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-41930082426173665882008-07-30T17:41:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:44:01.943-08:0080 Year Old Virgin<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStYWpmRxkI/AAAAAAAAAog/uuXVXM4YAIY/s1600-h/80+Year+Old+Virgin.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 273px; height: 393px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStYWpmRxkI/AAAAAAAAAog/uuXVXM4YAIY/s400/80+Year+Old+Virgin.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272404934914065986" border="0" /></a><br />There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.<br /><br />The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin".<br /><br />The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies."BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-2351412563958778012008-07-30T17:39:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:41:47.330-08:00Hour Of Pleasure<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStX0z6di1I/AAAAAAAAAoY/uh-ktUO86VA/s1600-h/Hour+Of+Pleasure.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 364px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStX0z6di1I/AAAAAAAAAoY/uh-ktUO86VA/s400/Hour+Of+Pleasure.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272404353567525714" border="0" /></a><br />The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.<br /><br />"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"<br /><br />A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-89403830117302352172008-07-30T17:36:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:39:36.229-08:00Viagra Joke<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStXUWVlCRI/AAAAAAAAAoQ/6xHldEdwcI4/s1600-h/Viagra+Joke.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 316px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStXUWVlCRI/AAAAAAAAAoQ/6xHldEdwcI4/s400/Viagra+Joke.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272403795872385298" border="0" /></a><br />Two elderly men were talking about Viagra. One had never heard of it and asked the other what it was for."It's the greatest invention ever," he said. "It makes you feel like a man of 30." "Can you get it over the counter?" "Probably - if you took two."<br /><br />Did you hear about the side-effects of the Viagra pill for men? If you swallow it slowly, you'll get a stiff neck.<br /><br />What do you get if you mix Viagra and Prozac? - A guy who is ready to go but doesn't really care where.<br /><br />Why is Viagra like Disneyworld? - You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride.<br /><br />A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before sex. The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get in from work. An hour before she was due home, he took the Viagra pill. But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn't be in for another two and a half hours. In a panic, he phoned the doctor. "What should I do?" he asked. "I've taken the pill but the effects will have worn off by the time my wife gets home." "I see," said the doctor. "It is a pity to waste it. Do you have a maid?" "Yes." "Well, could you not occupy yourself with her instead?" "But I don't need Viagra with the maid."BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-81907942292041583372008-07-30T17:34:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:36:51.814-08:00Biting Back<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStWrKXKbBI/AAAAAAAAAoI/EZrxdHGftG8/s1600-h/Biting+Back.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 310px; height: 324px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStWrKXKbBI/AAAAAAAAAoI/EZrxdHGftG8/s400/Biting+Back.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272403088283167762" border="0" /></a><br />One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."<br /><br />While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.<br /><br />The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."<br /><br />This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-15576153374128808712008-07-30T17:32:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:34:51.494-08:00Bob The Sperm<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStWM3b_5yI/AAAAAAAAAoA/-lOs1tW1YT4/s1600-h/Bob+The+Sperm.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 398px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStWM3b_5yI/AAAAAAAAAoA/-lOs1tW1YT4/s400/Bob+The+Sperm.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272402567807100706" border="0" /></a><br />Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights all the other sperms asked him one day, "Why don't you just swim around like us?"<br /><br />Bob replied, with a smirk, "well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there".<br /><br />The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back.<br /><br />The others asked him why he turned around and he said, "back up boys it's a BLOW JOB!"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-23292396684742753892008-07-30T17:30:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:32:33.242-08:00By The Seaside<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStVqElDUNI/AAAAAAAAAn4/wSJLAV9d-ms/s1600-h/By+The+Seaside.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 325px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStVqElDUNI/AAAAAAAAAn4/wSJLAV9d-ms/s400/By+The+Seaside.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272401970039312594" border="0" /></a><br />Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.<br /><br />"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"<br />"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.<br />Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"<br /><br />The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.<br />Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.<br />As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"<br /><br />The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-60840022327632208762008-07-30T17:27:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:30:02.421-08:00Pussy And Bitch<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStVEmLI3XI/AAAAAAAAAnw/vh2uFr4xgYQ/s1600-h/Pussy+And+Bitch.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 324px; height: 393px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStVEmLI3XI/AAAAAAAAAnw/vh2uFr4xgYQ/s400/Pussy+And+Bitch.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272401326222400882" border="0" /></a><br />A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."<br />She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand.<br />She asks him what they are.<br />He says "well, pussy and bitch".<br />She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy."<br />He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad,<br />"Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.<br />Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?"<br />He tells him...pussy and bitch.<br />Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy."<br />"OK dad, so what's a bitch?"<br />"Son" he says, "everything outside that circle."BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-4302413349707909612008-07-30T17:25:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:27:44.468-08:00Starwars Sex Quotes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStUgRlKN_I/AAAAAAAAAno/XMGFaObdoy8/s1600-h/Starwars+Sex+Quotes.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 295px; height: 381px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStUgRlKN_I/AAAAAAAAAno/XMGFaObdoy8/s400/Starwars+Sex+Quotes.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272400702219106290" border="0" /></a><br />'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!'<br />'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'<br />'Put that thing away before you get us all killed.'<br />'You've got something jammed in here real good.'<br />'Aren't you a little short for a storm-trooper?'<br />'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'<br />'Sorry about the mess...'<br />'Look at the size of that thing!'<br />'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'<br />'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'<br />'I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.'<br />'Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?'<br />'There's an awful lot of moisture in here.'<br />'But now we must eat. Come, good food, come...'<br />'That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while.'<br />'Hurry up, golden-rod...'<br />'I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?'<br />'Possible he came in through the south entrance.'<br />'And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!'<br />'Control, control! You must learn control!'<br />'Hey, point that thing someplace else.'<br />'I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.'<br />'I never knew I had it in me.'<br />'There is good in him, I've felt it.'<br />'Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one.'<br />'Back door, huh? Good idea!'<br />'She's gonna blow!'<br />'I think you'll fit in nicely.'<br />'Rise, my friend.'<br />'Wedge! Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!'BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-53608705038029842852008-07-30T17:16:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:25:16.333-08:00My Dick is so Big Quotes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStT5CgjKrI/AAAAAAAAAng/pWei0CsSZV4/s1600-h/My+Dick+is+so+Big+Quotes.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 162px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStT5CgjKrI/AAAAAAAAAng/pWei0CsSZV4/s400/My+Dick+is+so+Big+Quotes.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272400028158339762" border="0" /></a><br />My dick is so big, its a tight fit when I'm bangin' your loose momma!<br />My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.<br />My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and<br />My dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.<br />My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.<br />My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.<br />My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.<br />My dick has an elevator and a lobby.<br />My dick has better credit than I do.<br />My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.<br />My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.<br />My dick is so big, it has casters.<br />My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.<br />My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.<br />My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.<br />My dick is so big, it lives next door.<br />My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.<br />My dick is so big, it votes.<br />My dick is a better dresser than I am.<br />My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.<br />My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen<br />My balls in pictures.<br />My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750thhome run.<br />My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.<br />No matter where I go, My dick always gets there first.<br />My dick takes longer lunches than I do.<br />My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.<br />My dick was once the ambassador to China.BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-43517522066219642492008-07-30T17:14:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:16:32.027-08:00Microsoft Programmer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStR53uhPKI/AAAAAAAAAnY/9x-11xg6yTM/s1600-h/Microsoft+Programmer.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 354px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStR53uhPKI/AAAAAAAAAnY/9x-11xg6yTM/s400/Microsoft+Programmer.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272397843420757154" border="0" /></a><br />A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible.<br /><br />"Well," she said. "The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could consummate the marriage."<br /><br />"The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our wedding day."<br /><br />"The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he just sat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good it was going to be."BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-66520196623393251272008-07-30T17:09:00.000-07:002008-11-24T17:13:57.848-08:00The Free Beer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStRTnGRiOI/AAAAAAAAAnQ/svS8ska2pGw/s1600-h/The+Free+Beer.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 295px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SStRTnGRiOI/AAAAAAAAAnQ/svS8ska2pGw/s400/The+Free+Beer.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272397186121959650" border="0" /></a><br />A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.<br /><br />Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it. SECOND, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's a woman up-stairs who's ever had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.<br /><br />Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the requirements get crazier from there.<br /><br />Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-74089198497751659922008-07-29T18:06:00.000-07:002008-11-06T18:15:09.574-08:00Sex Problem<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SROjadYPkQI/AAAAAAAAAnI/8rXapgRtUqw/s1600-h/Sex+Problem.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 304px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SROjadYPkQI/AAAAAAAAAnI/8rXapgRtUqw/s400/Sex+Problem.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5265732064284479746" border="0" /></a><br />A bloke goes to the doctor and says, "I got this sex problem, doc". "Well", says the quack, "Tell me about your average day". "Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work".<br /><br />"Oh I see", said the doc. "No, hang on", said the man,"...you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".<br /><br />"Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No you don't", said our hero. "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom".<br /><br />"Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No no no", he said. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie".<br /><br />"Now I understand", said the patient doctor. "No, hang on", said the bloke. "When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack".<br /><br />Ahh....", said the doctor, "now I see..". "No, there's more", said our man, "when I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex afterwards".<br /><br />"What's your problem?". asked the doc. "Well...", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-31887801471109123922008-07-28T06:48:00.000-07:002008-10-28T06:52:27.432-07:00Too Far In<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcZDTFefJI/AAAAAAAAAlA/8IqPOwQen2s/s1600-h/Too+Far+In.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 302px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcZDTFefJI/AAAAAAAAAlA/8IqPOwQen2s/s400/Too+Far+In.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262202234059259026" border="0" /></a><br />A young couple was out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway, the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles and hour, will you take off all your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.<br /><br />When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car over.<br /><br />The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.<br /><br />She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."<br /><br />He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, "Cover your crotch with that and go get help from that gas station down the road."<br /><br />She takes the shoe, covers herself between the legs, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives, she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"<br /><br />The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies with some astonishment, "I think it's too late- he's too far in!"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-46822101623319810552008-07-28T06:43:00.000-07:002008-10-28T06:47:37.036-07:00All Stood Up<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcX7wJpXZI/AAAAAAAAAk4/K5RMXK7844A/s1600-h/All+Stood+Up.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 289px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcX7wJpXZI/AAAAAAAAAk4/K5RMXK7844A/s400/All+Stood+Up.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262201004910796178" border="0" /></a><br />A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent."<br /><br />The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and said, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."<br /><br />The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."<br /><br />The next day the guy walks into the same pharmacy, goes up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.<br /><br />The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."<br /><br />The pharmacist replies, "Ben Gay? You're not going to put Ben Gay on that are you?"<br /><br />The man says, "No, it's for my arms - the girls didn't show up."BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-26676949291882717232008-07-28T06:32:00.000-07:002008-10-28T06:38:02.524-07:00Turner Brown<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcVG7-6PBI/AAAAAAAAAkw/qMc38FukuFA/s1600-h/Turner+Brown.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 329px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcVG7-6PBI/AAAAAAAAAkw/qMc38FukuFA/s400/Turner+Brown.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262197898530667538" border="0" /></a><br />A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor.<br /><br />This big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, "What's wrong with you?" In a very weak voice, the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?"<br /><br />The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown."<br /><br />The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around!"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-28422953762276736902008-07-28T06:27:00.000-07:002008-10-28T06:38:52.136-07:00A Foot and A Half<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcUD8V5vaI/AAAAAAAAAko/CeZ9CLpTHBs/s1600-h/A+Foot+and+A+Half.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 291px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcUD8V5vaI/AAAAAAAAAko/CeZ9CLpTHBs/s400/A+Foot+and+A+Half.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262196747575868834" border="0" /></a><br />An Italian woman married an Italian man. The Italian tradition for newlyweds is to remain virgins until they're married and then sleep at the girl's mother's house on their wedding night.<br /><br />After the wedding, the newlyweds went back to her mother's house. The man went up stairs and the woman stayed to talk to her mom. She said, "I don't want to go up there."<br /><br />Her mom said, "He's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll treat you well."<br /><br />When she got upstairs, the man took off his shirt.<br /><br />She ran back downstairs and said, "Mamma! Mamma! He has a hairy chest!"<br /><br />Her mom said, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs and he will treat you well."<br /><br />When she got upstairs, he took off his pants.<br /><br />She ran back downstairs and said, "Mamma! Mamma! He has hairy legs!"<br /><br />Her mom said, "All good men have hairy legs. Go upstairs and he will treat you well."<br /><br />When she got upstairs he took off his socks. She noticed that half his foot was missing. She ran downstairs and said, "Mamma! Mamma! He has a foot and a half!"<br /><br />Her mom said, "Stay here! This is job for Mamma!"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-38091156932801365172008-07-28T06:23:00.000-07:002008-10-28T06:38:35.912-07:00The Morning After<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcTNANPJ8I/AAAAAAAAAkg/PbamzYdUkEI/s1600-h/The+Morning+After.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 281px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SQcTNANPJ8I/AAAAAAAAAkg/PbamzYdUkEI/s400/The+Morning+After.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262195803720460226" border="0" /></a><br />It's the morning after the honeymoon, and the wife says, "You know, you're really a lousy lover." The husband replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-37445888040205640002008-07-21T09:45:00.000-07:002008-10-28T06:21:21.449-07:00My Dog Name Sex<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SP4H0iT-MVI/AAAAAAAAAkY/2nikUxxJT2E/s1600-h/My+Dog+Names+Sex.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SP4H0iT-MVI/AAAAAAAAAkY/2nikUxxJT2E/s400/My+Dog+Names+Sex.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259650013960483154" border="0" /></a><br />Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex." He is a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then, I said "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then, I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."<br /><br />When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny - I have the same problem."<br /><br />One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said. "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal any more."<br /><br />Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-2800434464649381752008-07-21T09:41:00.000-07:002008-10-21T09:45:05.180-07:00Revolutionary Inventors<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SP4HCLISLKI/AAAAAAAAAkQ/wMfjDKhdcno/s1600-h/Revolutionary+Inventors.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SP4HCLISLKI/AAAAAAAAAkQ/wMfjDKhdcno/s400/Revolutionary+Inventors.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259649148743986338" border="0" /></a><br />Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, the guy tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven."<br /><br />So Henry Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with Adam, the first man." So the guy at the gates points Adam out to Ford. When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks, "Hey aren't you the inventor of woman?" Adam says, "Yes."<br /><br />"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:<br /><br />1) There is too much front end protrusion<br />2) It chatters at high speeds<br />3) The rear end wobbles too much<br />4) and the intake is too close to the<br />exhaust."<br /><br />"Hmmmmm.." says Adam, "Hold on." So Adam goes to the celestial computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. The computer prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it. He then says to Ford, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-82572229895076799262008-07-21T09:38:00.000-07:002008-10-21T09:41:20.360-07:00Native Temptations<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SP4GJ7J0HoI/AAAAAAAAAkI/E0MMQgRz4yE/s1600-h/Native+Temptations.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SP4GJ7J0HoI/AAAAAAAAAkI/E0MMQgRz4yE/s400/Native+Temptations.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259648182382763650" border="0" /></a><br />A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.<br /><br />A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.<br /><br />"My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted?"<br /><br />So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying,<br /><br />"Why don't you learn to play this?" Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!" She kissed him and said, "First let's see you play that harmonica."BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-91956752495598292212008-07-21T09:35:00.000-07:002008-10-21T09:38:42.217-07:00Drilling Rights<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SP4FiQWkuWI/AAAAAAAAAkA/YYx0r8IFxqA/s1600-h/Drilling+Rights.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SP4FiQWkuWI/AAAAAAAAAkA/YYx0r8IFxqA/s400/Drilling+Rights.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259647500878657890" border="0" /></a><br />A young, fat, streetsmart, brunette married a skinny rich Texas oil tycoon. Two months later he asked her to bend over so he could inspect her land line.<br /><br />Needless to say, she was very cautious and apprehensive about flipping over and being inspected, but she did it anyways.<br /><br />“Looks like a winner!” The Texas tycoon said.<br /><br />The Woman quickly turned around and replied, “Your not using that tiny piledriver.<br />Are you?”<br /><br />Storming into his lawyer's office, the Texas oil tycoon demanded that some divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride. "What's the problem?"<br /><br />"I want to hit that adulterin' bitch for breach of contract," snapped the oil man. "I don't know if that will fly," said the lawyer. "I mean your wife isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!"<br /><br />"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined, "but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin' rights!BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-66695772959986577272008-07-19T10:43:00.000-07:002008-10-19T10:46:50.174-07:00Psychology Major<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SPtyftX7_vI/AAAAAAAAAj4/lhXp5ma2A_Q/s1600-h/Psychology+Major.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SPtyftX7_vI/AAAAAAAAAj4/lhXp5ma2A_Q/s400/Psychology+Major.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5258922878966693618" border="0" /></a><br />A guy goes in a bar and orders for a beer. After a while this really gorgeous woman walks in and<br />sits beside him. He starts thinking about talking her into bed with him and kindly turns to her, " Hi. Would you like me to buy you a drink?"<br /><br />The woman turns to him and screams to the top of her lungs: "WHAT? YOU WANT TO FUCK ME? NO WAY!"<br /><br />Every discussion in the bar suddenly stops and all the people are staring at the guy as the woman was leaving. The guy gets really embarrassed and stands still on his stool as if nothing had happened. After a while the same woman walks in, approaches him and tells him, "I'm sorry about that little incident but you see I'm a psychology graduate and I wanted to see how people react to embarrassing situations."<br /><br />The guy then yells: "WHAT? TWO HUNDRED BUCKS FOR A BLOWJOB?"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6998687186020831747.post-44069414681304454932008-07-19T10:39:00.000-07:002008-10-19T10:43:49.201-07:003 Newlywed Wives<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SPtxqqr_TpI/AAAAAAAAAjw/i70SA2JcaFY/s1600-h/3+Newlywed+Wives.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IEbFMnL8QZI/SPtxqqr_TpI/AAAAAAAAAjw/i70SA2JcaFY/s400/3+Newlywed+Wives.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5258921967712423570" border="0" /></a><br />Three recently married couples spend their honeymoon's first night in the same hotel.<br /><br />The next morning all three of the women meet in the hall and decide to have a little breakfast<br />together and to gossip about their wedding night, although one of them claims she won't be eating anything.<br /><br />The first starts enthusiastic, "Last night my husband put his whole hand inside me!"<br /><br />The second bride, not surprised at all, proudly takes her turn at once, "Mhuh... my husband put his whole arm inside me!"<br /><br />Then, both women look at the third one who, although moving very clumsily, stares at them with ambiguous satisfaction in her whole body, looks down on her hip and cries out to it, "Hey John, come out and say hello to Sarah and Pam!"BJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16140179671855372449noreply@blogger.com0